9 Questions with Missy Higgins
Melissa Morrison Higgins (born 19 August 1983) is an Australian singer songwriter. Her Australian number-one albums, The Sound of White (2004), On a Clear Night (2007) and The Ol' Razzle Dazzle(2012) have sold over two million copies globally. Her singles include "Scar","Steer"and "Where I Stood". Higgins is a five-time chart topper and nine-time ARIA Award winner. - Wikipedia & About
1. What mistake taught you the most?
In the beginning of my career, I made a lot of mistakes. The main, repeating one, was trusting other’s opinions more than I trusted my own. I gave my precious unfinished songs to strangers whose 'profession' it was to write radio chart-toppers, and they watered them down to just 'middle-of-the-road boringness'. Their job was to make my idiosyncratic, specifically kooky lyrics into mainstream ones that any 15-year-old girl could relate to, and it took all the spunk out and left the dregs. I mourn those years because I was so untethered, I didn’t know who I was or what I was supposed to sound like or who I was supposed to trust. Everyone was so convincing, that I lost track of what my music was supposed to be, which was a balm, a buffer for the world, absolutely compulsory, responsible for my survival and above anything: my story and mine alone. But I guess ultimately it was these experiences that burnt that lesson into me, they taught me to trust myself.
“In the beginning of my career, I made a lot of mistakes. The main, repeating one, was trusting other’s opinions more than I trusted my own.”
2. Are you satisfied? Why?
Never completely. I should be because I have way more than anyone should ever need and I’ve achieved a fair amount. But every day I’m trying to be better, a better person. My main focus right now is the kids. It’s an everyday challenge trying not to fuck them up, to be honest! I’m constantly worried that we’re not doing a good enough job, that they might feel unloved, or that I’m not disciplining them enough which is going to turn them into insecure drug-addicts one day… the list goes on. I wish I was writing more music right now but it’s really hard to find the time let alone the headspace, so I’m trying to not put too much pressure on myself until the kids are at least in school. Then I’ll have no excuse. So no, on a day to day basis I’m not satisfied, but I guess overall I’m pretty damn satisfied and happy about where my life is at. I love my little family so much it makes my heart feel wide open as the sky sometimes. So in that respect, in a deep way, I guess I am satisfied. I just have to learn to live every day as though I am.
3. What have you changed your mind about?
Living in the bush. I never thought I could because I feared disconnection from family and friends and culture. But we’re making the move and I couldn’t be more excited. Our place is surrounded by eucalypts and galas and wombats and fresh river air and the kids can run around and get muddy and visit the neighbours whenever they want. I think the pace of the world is getting exponentially faster and that scares me, so I’m hoping the tree-change will be the thing that keeps our feet grounded in the earth. I thought I was a city girl but now I’ve changed my mind. I’m definitely a gum-tree girl.
4. What act of courage are you most proud of?
I’m most proud of myself for speaking up about issues I feel are really important, like the fight against climate change and the rights of asylum seekers. Mostly because I hate public speaking more than anything else on the planet and it makes me riddled with anxiety, even if it’s done via social media from the comfort of my own home! So when I actually do one of those things because I know it’s the right thing, even though there’s almost always a backlash, I’m proud of myself for mustering the courage. Also, I’m just relieved it’s over so I can put my head under the pillow again.
“I’m most proud of myself for speaking up about issues I feel are really important, like the fight against climate change and the rights of asylum seekers.”
5. What fear would people be surprised to know you still have?
Well, the first thing that comes to mind is actually the answer to the above question! People are often really surprised to know I’m terrified of speaking about anything of importance on stage (i.e. not myself or my songs). They assume because I play in front of thousands of people that I have no fear. But that is easy. Much easier to remove yourself and be in a bubble. I also get super nervous about the vulnerability of playing in front of a tiny group of people, even if they’re 4-year-olds! I recently went into my son’s kinder and played songs for them, and although once I started I had an absolute hoot of a time (even though half of them walked out after the first song- ruthless!), I procrastinated for months beforehand because I was so anxious about it!! It’s ridiculous, I know.
6. What book or movie or song made an impact on your life?
I think the book 'Ishmael' by Daniel Quinn probably made the biggest impact on my way of thinking. It’s one of those books where it’s absolutely impossible to see the world in the same way once you’ve read it. Once you get an insight into the cultural myths that our entire society is based upon and the lies upon which modern capitalism was built, you can’t help but feel like your eyes have been opened for the first time. Plus, the whole thing is written as a telepathic conversation between a guy and a gorilla, so I mean, need I say more? Two other life-changing books were 'Eating Animals' by Jonathan Safran Foer, and 'The Life You Can Save' by Peter Singer.
7. What is the most deplorable thing you enjoy?
Cracking every knuckle and bone in my body. Actually, I’m not sure I enjoy it but it’s gross and it feels good. I am also obsessed with black-head squeezing. I recently convinced my mum to let me squeeze a black-head on her face and weeks later, I still can’t stop day-dreaming about how satisfying it was.
Every morning I have coconut oil, Vegemite and almond butter on my toast. Apparently some people find that deplorable. I call it paradise my mouth.
“I recently convinced my mum to let me squeeze a black-head on her face and weeks later, I still can’t stop day-dreaming about how satisfying it was.”
8. What do you wish you had said to the person/s who raised you?
To be honest I really can’t think of anything. My mum and dad and I have a weirdly open relationship. Everything is out on the table and always has been. Perhaps when they die I’ll realise I never said something that I should have, but I really hope that doesn’t happen. I’d hate to have any regrets like that. The only thing I can think of is that I wish I hadn’t asked them what they thought about me calling my son ‘Arrow’, because they weren’t so keen which influenced why we made his first name Samuel instead. In retrospect, I wish I’d followed my gut and called him Arrow. So much cooler.
9. How has a person changed your life?
Gosh, there have been so many people who have changed my life. My first serious boyfriend out of high school changed how I felt about my music, in a bad way. He was really nasty about it and used to make fun of me for it. He’d tell me how stupid certain lyrics were and how I was just an embarrassment to myself as a musician. Truly horrible stuff, what a dick head. He’s apologised for it since but in all honesty, it left an indelible mark on my confidence and I still find it hard to believe in myself as much as I should. We’re so impressionable when we’re young, and if you let the wrong person in, they can really screw with your head. I guess we have to make these mistakes early on so we learn how to be strong as the years go on. And I’m with the most supportive, wonderful man who is great for my confidence now, so perhaps each stepping stone is necessary to get you to the right place.